Bridget Jones, I am not

Facebook Hellllllllll

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 17:07:00 +0000

I consider myself a pretty avid social networker. Not only can I navigate some of the unknown inner workings of certain sites but people call me when they need help setting up their own FB or other various social pages. I'm also quite competitive (in all senses of the word). In this case, when I can't figure something out I will keep going with it until I do. Which might explain why I want to pull my hair out today (I've got plenty don't worry).

Yesterday my boss gave me some new responsibilities including managing our company's social networking initiatives (i.e. set up a Facebook & Twitter page). Twitter - piece of cake. Facebook - the souffle that implodes on you (I saw Julie & Julia last night and i'm still preoccupied with food references. Loved the movie by the way!). You know how they have Fan Pages on Facebook. I thought I could set one of those up without having to set up an actual page. I was doing great until I couldn't figure out how to get into network groups or find friends. Then I clicked some link and it created a new FB page with all of my personal info. I activated and deactivated accounts and went back and forth a zillion times trying to delete one without deleting the other. Apparently you can't have a fan page without having a regular FB page. So now i'm navigating 3 sites (my personal, my business, and my business fan page). The business page and the business fan page look exactly alike and I don't quite understand why I have to have both. My head is spinning. I know some people don't understand the need for both Facebook and Twitter and while they both serve different purposes of the same thing (and I do cherish them both) i'm quite thankful for the simplicity of Twitter at the moment and worship the ground it's built on. Follow me on Twitter @nhayes then follow my company @theconnorsgroup

"Julie & Julia" was fantastic - go see it!!! I'll be updating my other blog with the actual review later so stay tuned for the edit and link.

I'm taking the day off tomorrow and going down to Long Beach Island with one of my loves Mrs. Chrissy Romine (hollah!). I've been promising her aunt a visit for almost a decade so we're finally going tomorrow. And of course... beach day = rain. That's the story of my life.

Right now i'm going to jet out real quick and get coffee and then chow down on some Godiva truffles I purchased yesterday. I'm in need of some serious caffeine to get through the rest of this work day which includes a double-header International Soccer game tonight. Rock on...

Resurrection

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 16:18:00 +0000

Time to bring back the old blog...

I’ve got a lot going on and I find I don’t have much time for the phone nowadays (and who wants to have an entire personal conversation through text message, I sure don’t). I think this will be a good way for you and I to stay in touch again with the comings and goings of my new life. I say new because, let’s face it, i’m approaching 30, i’m single for the first time in 10 years (divorce will do that to you), and i’ve got the world at my fingertips (I just need some fingerpaint). The unknown is thrilling and scary all at the same time.

Speaking of life, yesterday I went to WalMart at lunch (as does half of the working world apparently) and I was walking past all of the school supplies (can you believe it’s that time already?!) and almost had a mini-panic attack. I registered for my GRE in October ($150 for a standarized test which really holds no bearing for the kind of talent people actual do posses is a joke). Anyway, so i’m going back to school. For my Masters. For my Teaching Certification. I mean, I have to pass all of the tests first (which is no small feat mind you) but we’re talking about starting in Spring. I figure i’m just going to keep moving forward as long as God keeps opening the doors (with brown paper bags and a few xanax at the ready).

Going to see "Julie & Julia". I need a movie night with my gal pal sans wine. I've had too much of it lately... lol...

Theme

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 18:55:00 +0000

I need a theme to keep writing... I'm tempted to do an entire blog of movie reviews... thoughts??

This weekend

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 14:57:00 +0000

Ahhhhhhhhh i'm sooooo excited for this weekend!!! It's Chrissy's wedding shower... OMG... her WEDDING SHOWER!!! Lots of food, fun, and friends - especially those who are coming from far away that I don't get to see very often. All in town for our very special girl. There is so much to say about Chrissy but I'm going to save it all for after this weekend when I have lots of pictures to post!

Today is finally the first day of spring. Ok, technically it was last week but it snowed the first real day of spring and has been bitter cold ever since. But, not today - it's 65 degrees & sunny! This is the weather i'm talkin' about!

Alright... gotta jet... hopefully a long post on Monday with lots of pics!

Britney's coming to town...

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 20:21:00 +0000

It's sort of like Santa Claus minus the presents...

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,510595,00.html

What's a little more dysfunction to the already dysfunctional Garden State (and I say that with all the pride as I am a Jersey girl through and through - lol).

It's late...

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 05:50:00 +0000

I can't sleep... grrrrrr...

Ever feel like you can't catch a break?! Seriously, why can't I be one of the NJ people who just won the Mega-Millions?!?! Or my friend who just hit a $25,000 jackpot in Atlantic City?!?! Do you have any idea what I can do with $25,000 or even $10,000 at this point?! Am I blessed to even have a job right now... absolutely... but sometimes I just wish I could catch up. Right when I think I can I get slammed with something that takes more money from my pocket. Anyway...

Thank goodness tomorrow is Thursday. Friday I work the Nickelback concert at the IZOD. Should be fun! Then this weekend is all booked up and I'm looking forward to it - especially the 60 degree weather on Sunday... hallelujah!!!

Alright... i'm going to try to go to bed

Burt's Bees

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 14:28:00 +0000

I have bypassed that product over and over and over again. I'm your tried & true chapstick lover. Not to mention spending close to $5 on 1 stick of chapstick made of beeswax seemed absolutely ridiculous. But then, to quote Napolean, "my lips hurt REAL BAD" and nothing was doing the trick. Soooo - I did it. I purchased the $5 lip balm and now I can't get enough. It's the perfect combination of softness, mint, and protection. I put it on and my lips tingle with joy!

I finally caught up on the Top Chef finale last night. Karla completely blew it. I loved her - she was always the dark horse who layed low until the last few episodes where she won almost every challenge. Then, CASEY did her in. Why oh why did she let her have so much influence in her final dishes?! Casey was the one who BLEW IT big time 2 seasons ago in the finale. It was truly Karla's to lose and she lost. But, at least Stefan didn't win. I really only believe they kept him over Fabio during the semi's for TV ratings. He was WAY TOO cocky and quite honestly didn't impress me towards the end. So congrats Hosea - you never won a challenge, you cheated on your girlfriend with greasy Leah, and your dishes in the finale really weren't outstanding but somehow you managed to win the whole thing. Good job. I think next season they should do a head to head challenge with Tom Calicchio where the judges have no idea who's dish is who's... he talks a good game but I haven't seen him walk a good game and I'm waitin' for it...

I haven't had my coffee yet and my stomach is making all sorts of grumbling noises. Not to mention i'm procrastinating way too much right now.... ok i'll be back...

Ok, ok...

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 20:48:00 +0000

Can you all forgive me for not blogging in ooooo... FOREVER! Seriously, the last few blogs - i'm sure - have left you all feeling starved. But i'm back for the most part.

Let's talk about a few things....

I've decided to observe Lent this year. I haven't done it since my Catholic days and this year I wanted to bring something before God that would be a challenge for me. Something I use as an emotional crutch. So, I'm giving up chocolate (are you all finished gasping... please take a breathe... thanks). That means no Snickers, M&M's, Hershey Kisses, any sort of Mocha coffees, brownies, chocolate chip cookies, and the list goes on. Nothing, nada, ziltch. I can do this although I think i'm hallucinating already... I could have sworn I just saw one of those M&M characters run across my computer screen...

I'm going to an AMAZING church, as in, going every Sunday. It's been a LONG time since I was a regular attender. Reasons of which I think are quite understandable. Here's the kicker... this white girl is going to a bilingual Spanish Pentacostal church (did I cause a second gasp?! you might have to get a paper bag at this point). IT... IS... FABULOUS! There is so much healing taking place. The people are true blue, salt of the earth goodness. The Pastor is in your face incredible... I've learned more over the last few weeks than I have over the last few years. The worship is just beyond words. Even when I can't understand it the Spirit moves in ways where it doesn't even matter. And, I finally feel a sense of community again. Having that has opened my eyes to just how badly I've been hurt and how much we as christians need that. Whether or not it becomes my home church, for right now, it's where He has me.

Speaking of... I would not have been going to that church had I not been blessed with my amazing friend Rebecca. I would toss up some pictures on here but you can see them on Facebook. I deleted any and all pictures from this laptop because it was so slow I was ready to beat it with a baseball bat. Anyway, just a little kudos to her on my blog because she has been my rock over the last few months. God has formed a unique bond between us and I cherish our friendship very deeply. She's pretty fantastic and an incredible woman of God. Ya'll need to meet her... for realz...

I have a new love... COFFEE! For years I would only drink coffee in the afternoon and it generally was a sugar filled Starbucks latte. One day a few months ago I was having a really rough start. I was soooo tired and I thought, I NEED coffee... truly... today is the day I need to have it in the morning. That one morning turned into another which turned into another and then another. Now, i'm up to about 3 cups a day and last night I had my first ever VENTI Starbucks at 6pm. I'm an addict.

I'm also addicted to the Houswives of New York City. I love these women!!! I want to meet them, hang out with them, chill at their summer homes in the Hamptons. More so, I want to spend a day with Jill & Bethenny. Those two seem super fun and I can envision them taking me to the coolest parties, drinking the best cocktails, and shmoozing it up with New Yorks finest. I think of these things...

Ok, I need some motivation to keep blogging and to draw more traffic to the site. Should I make the blog more specific to one topic... any thoughts?!

As if I should have expected anything different...

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 18:04:00 +0000

Supposedly i'll get them tomorrow... not today... I should have had them a month ago if they weren't held for so long

::Sigh::

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 20:03:00 +0000

Papers will be in my hand tomorrow...

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 21:27:00 +0000

WHATEVER, WHATEVER, WHATEVER

I've got so much turmoil going on inside of me right now that I don't even know how to deal with it all...

I feel like Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane when He's asking that the cup be taken from him and yet He knows that His Father's will must be done. And so my life must continue to move forward with whatever divine purpose is before it but right now my emotions are just incredibly intense and I would love to have some sort of release...

In my soul

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:06:00 +0000

There's a place deep down inside me that wonders, that agonizes over why the men in my life never fought for me. No, not a physical fight - but a deep, get past your own issues, come rescue and cherish the one you love kind of fight. It's painful today...

Tis the season...

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 20:29:00 +0000

I was a little over ambitious yesterday. I practically packed my entire apartment up and moved it to my sisters apartment all on my own. Can you tell i'm eager to get on with this part of my life. I would have taken pictures of my car, which if a cop pulled me over he would have thought I was living out of with the way it looked, but the camera on my phone no longer works. In the drugged up haze (cold medicine) over the weekend I dropped my phone in a cup of tea. ::just realized i posted about this in the last one... oh well...:: Luckily that was the only water damage. Although, the buttons are starting to really stick but the phone itself and texting still work fine. Remember the days without cell phones - how in the world did we live like that? I have a friend who doesn't own a cell phone... yes... doesn't OWN A CELL PHONE... and i'm kind of envious of her. LOL

The more and more I think about the upcoming holiday's the more at ease I am about them. I went and got a Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks today and there's something about the 'bux at this time of year that immediately puts me in the Christmas spirit. I think it's the red holiday cup and the goodness that comes inside it that brings it out. There truly is something comforting about a Starbucks coffee - marketing geniuses they are! Something as simple as a red cup can make people happy...

The big move is the 23rd. Over the next week I have to paint my new bedroom. I'm going with an Italian Rustic theme. Deep red walls, gold trim, european art on the walls. It's going to be my little hideaway. I want to be transported into another time and place when I enter it. I'm determined to have pictures so keep your eyes peeled on my blog for them when it's done.

Oh and my VOICE IS GETTING BETTER!!! The cold is finally going away and the medicine that I have to help my vocal cords finally has a chance to do its job. And, I think it's working. I think - let's keep our fingers crossed and our prayers coming...

Sick

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 20:22:00 +0000

It appears all of the stress and the medications i've been on have worn my immune system down to nothing. I've been in bed sick the past two days. I think a vacation to a tropical island is the only remedy at this point - lol.

In the middle of my drug induced delirium last night I dropped my cell phone in the cup of tea I had on my nightstand. I managed to pull it out rather quickly and save it from complete water damage. The only thing that doesn't work now is the camera. I got lucky considering.

Alright, going back to bed...

I voted...

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:13:00 +0000

Did you????????????

And the winner is....

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:31:00 +0000

We'll know tomorrow and spend the next four years worrying about the 2012 election. It never ends and yet as annoying as it is it's a constant reminder of the freedom of democracy. We should be ever greatful to the men and women who served and are serving this country to defend that (::Cough cough:: especially a certain Presidential Candidate who spent years of his life as P.O.W.). I'll spare the political jargon on this blog. I'm over the political debates. I'm voting for McCain. I have my reasons. I will say three things though 1. visit Allison's blog (a.k.a The Cat under my blogging junkies on my page) 2. Vote because you believe in what your candidate stands for not because you hate the other candidate. Take your vote seriously. Know your facts! 3. I fear for a unbalanced government. Checks & Balances are there for a reason and if tomorrow shifts that weight in all 3 branches in one direction it will be a scary 4 years. I will say that it will be sink or swim for the Democrats if they have that power. I have my thoughts on that but again will not be shared here. Get involved - use your freedom wisely. Everything effects YOU - the American Citizen - even if you turn off and tune out.

Now, onto other news...

I went for a 2nd opinion for my vocal cords today (technically it's the 3rd but my 1st doctor was a quack). I found my old doctor last Thursday by chance. He moved out of the practice that I used to go to and I spent a year trying to find him. After tears, prayers, and angry journal entry on Wednesday I truly believe God stepped in when I found him the following day. Dr. Citarelli is the kind of doctor that takes the time to sit with you and LISTEN to what the problem is. He thinks, he analyzes, and he doesn't just write a prescription and send you on your way. I trust him. So today we sat for 20 minutes discussing the last 5 months of my chronic throat/vocal cord problem. He took me off everything my ENT had me on (which i decided to go off myself this past weekend because I wasn't feeling any different on or off of the meds) and put me two new meds (Astelin & Singulair) plus home remedies (salt water gargle, honey, and a humidifier). He doesn't think there's anything serious causing my vocal cords to swell (the ENT said the same thing) and believes it's just allergies. So, 6 weeks of this and he is pretty sure it will be better. If not, he's going to send me to a different ENT. Let's hope and pray that I WILL be better in 6 weeks because 1. I don't want to go to ANOTHER doctor and 2. My insurance is good but not that good to keep funding all of this.

Other than that, my life (as usual), is one giant rollercoaster. I'm banking on a good 2009 - anything has to be better than this...

::EDIT::

I was just browsing some news sites and I just want to share one thought. I truly believe George W. Bush will go down as one of the greatest Presidents in history. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow but someday this country will come to see all the good he has done both here and abroad.

Love

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 15:28:00 +0000

"We cannot live unaffected by love. We are most alive when we find it, most devastated when we lose it, most empty when we give up on it, most inhumane when we betray it, and most passionate when we pursue it."

Frustrated

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 18:05:00 +0000

I'm completely frustrated. Right around the end of April I woke up one Saturday morning and had no voice (well, I had a voice but barely). I remember the day clearly because I had gone out dancing the night before. I figured it was just laryngitis so I waited it out a week or so because there was no pain associated with it. Sometimes my voice would get better, sometimes it would get worse. I finally decided to suck it up and make a doctors appointment. He gave me a Z-pak and said it was chronic laryngitis and to just rest my voice. It got better for a little while but nowhere near 100%. I figured "chronic laryngitis" - ok well I guess this is something i'll have to live with from this point forward i'll just have to learn how to manage it. So, I did all of the web research and since there were no serious causes to it I let it be. After ohhhh 5 months of not once having my voice at 100% I made an appointment for an ENT. When I went they put a nice little scope up my nose and down my throat (not a good feeling AT ALL). He said I had a raging throat infection and swollen adnoids which are at the top of your nose. He prescribed me strong antibiotics and a ton of allergy medicine. 2 weeks later my voice still wasn't better so I made a 2nd appointment. This time he went deeper into my throat. Probably the most uncomfortable feeling ever. I gagged almost the entire time. Good news was the infection was gone bad news was my vocal cords were still swollen. Next treatment - 6 day dose of oral steroids, acid reflux medicine, plus all of the allergy medicine I was already on. By the end of the 6 days my voice started to sound better and I really thought I was on the road to recovery until Monday night. I strained my voice again at the Coldplay concert and it's not getting any better. This is now 6 months where I haven't had my voice at 100%. When my voice started to heal last week someone actually said they didn't even recognize me because they've gotten used to my raspy voice. I want to be better, I want to have my voice back, I want this over with. It's literally brought me to tears a handful of times because it's just a chronic problem with no real solution in site. That's where i'm at today. I have a follow-up ENT appointment in 4 weeks. I really don't want to go on any more medicine. I want this to heal and I want my voice back to 100%.

Untitled

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 17:27:00 +0000

"Here’s the deal, when things happen in our lives that are jarring or disorienting, a shipwreck or a snakebite, it rattles the cage. You get a bad diagnosis or a pink slip or divorce papers and what happens is those things cause the compass needle to spin in our lives and we’re wondering which way is up? What is God doing? But I think it is in those situations that we need to realize that the Bible says it rains on the just and the unjust. Bad things do happen to good people, but here’s the good news, all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to His purpose. It is not that we are immune to all these things that happen, it is that God can use them for His purposes and that’s what we hang onto. In a sense, I have this mental picture of Paul hanging onto driftwood in the Mediterranean until they finally make it to shore. And by the way, sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is hang in there. If you are at that place, hang in there! I believe you are going to make it to shore, and here’s what I’ve discovered in my life, sometimes the worst thing that happens to us can turn out to be the best thing that happens to us because God has a way of using those things to lay a foundation in our lives and to prepare us for what He wants. And I might suggest that sometimes we get so focused on getting where God wants us to go that we totally forget that God is far more concerned with who we are becoming in the process. Listen, God is going to get you where God wants you to go, that’s His business! But He’s not going to get you there until you are ready to get there, and who are you becoming is far more important than where you are going. So it is in these situations that God is working His purposes in our lives." - Mark Batterson (The Cage of Failure)

Broken Road

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 17:49:00 +0000

Bless The Broken Road

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving armsThis much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

In the midst of all of what i'm going through how about a few things i'm thankful for...

1. God - He is so very near and present even when I feel soooo lost!
2. My family - as crazy as they are I love them
3. Friends - honestly could not make it through without them. Each one has played a special role in my life and I'm so very blessed and thankful.
4. Reconnecting with old friends - this year i've been given the blessing of reconnecting with two very important people in my life. It's absolutely incredible.
5. Glimpses of light when all seems dark - this one is very personal for me but in the darkest moments and the times when I feel i'm at the end of my rope Jesus is there shining his light and giving me hope when all seems hopeless.
6. Liz - she gets a special shoutout. God has used her in countless ways in my life, especially over the last year. She's my guardian angel.
7. My job - not only am I thankful for it for financial reasons but in many ways my girls here have become like family to me.
8. The outdoors - I love being outside. I love blue, sunny skies and clear, crisp nights. The beauty of nature draws me closer to the heart of God.
9. Softball - what an outlet that is for me. I miss it - I would play all year round if I could.
10. Love - there's no worse feeling and there is no better feeling

I could go on but i'll leave it off at 10. I know it's been awhile since my last update. I'm on an incredible journey that's very, very personal. I haven't felt like blogging in awhile because of it. Stick with me - as scattered as they are I will continue updating when I feel it's time to.

Lighter Look

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 17:17:00 +0000

I felt the blog needed a lighter look. I'll probably change it come Fall when the weather is cool and the leaves are changing. Fall is probably my favorite season. The colors, the cool but not cold air, pumpkins, apple cider, warm blankets, pies, etc. Love it!

However, we are entering holiday season which, I normally am super excited for, but this year not so much. It's the first year in 8 years without Tommy. Where do I even begin to deal with that. While the thought of not running around to a million different houses thrills me it also makes me very sad. I'm not dwelling on it this early on since it's still September but Halloween and Thanksgiving are right around the corner.

Moving on... I gots myself a part-time job yesterday. Security at the Meadowlands. I get to work the football games, concerts, and whatever else they have going on for a decent hourly wage. I definitely need the extra income. I do have to tell you though that in order to get this job I had to take a 434-question true/false psych test. One of those tests that are the same questions, asked over and over, in a million different ways. Such as, "You often lose your temper" followed a few questions later with, "You don't have much patience", and then a few more questions later, "You are easily angered". Oh, and it was a scantron. My hand was KILLING me and my eyes were crossed by the time I was done. I would love to see the test results. How would one even go about failing something like that and what does the result say, "crazy"?

The last few weeks have been up, down, and everywhere in between. I ventured to Coney Island before it closed, our softball team won the Sparta Championship (and I played a huge part), rocked a bachelorette party, and I've been here there and everywhere with my friends and my emotions. How about a picture montage for your visual amusement

Let's also mention the fact that I rode the Cyclone not once but TWICE! From the outside it looks like your average rollercoaster but when you are on it there are so many drops and turns mixed in that you end up screaming the entire time. The second time E & I rode it we were in the front car. That first drop was TERRIFYING! I have a picture of our faces on my keychain. I wish I could scan it and upload it.

I don't have many other pictures because I didn't have my camera at the other events but I will this weekend since I have my friends wedding on Friday. I've been looking forward to this one all summer.

Sidenote: Panera coffee is not even closely comparable to Starbucks - nih. The boys at my office got me an Iced Skim Mocha from Panera today. I'm extremely disappointed.

Alright, how's that for an update. Oh, I'll leave you with a fun picture of my transient roommate Liz (this is from Sarah's birthday way back in January). It's definitely been a blessing having her around...

Two Things

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 14:52:00 +0000

1. Sarah Palin's speech was amazing! She totally rocked it and tuned me back into this election.
2. The new NKOTB album is off the hook. Yes, I said 'off the hook'. It's got some serious beats and tight harmonies. If you liked their single "Summertime" get it - you won't be disappointed.

I just don't have the energy to blog a lot lately. Let's just say a lot has been going on (when is a lot never going on). Keep checking back though. I haven't left blogland for good!

Sunny Days

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:36:00 +0000

Alright, so I know my posts have been a major downer as of late. It’s no wonder why my comments are just about nonexistent. I promise to do my best to make these updates more upbeat starting with today.

It’s been a really long time since I had an overall good day and yesterday was one of them. I was finally able to spend some MUCH NEEDED quality time with my friend Kim. She’s like a sister to me. I’ve known her for over 10 years and our friendship goes through these weird cycles where we won’t talk for a very long time and then somehow we reconnect and it’s like we spent no time apart. We just pick up right where we left off. Last night I was finally able to catch her up on what my life has been like over the last few years. There is a support system there in our friendship that is just so natural and it was the first time in a long time that I just felt calm and at rest in the midst of this chaos. Not to mention we had a fantastic dinner. Christin I’m sorry I don’t have any pictures for you! We came back to my apartment in Westfield so she could scope out my place and then we went to dinner at one of the local restaurants – The Brick Oven. I’ve eaten there before and it’s pretty good. It’s your typical Italian restaurant (of which there are about 5 in Westfield and downtown Westfield is only about 4 blocks). But they are all good so I’m not complaining. There’s actually a really good variety of restaurants in Westfield that I have yet to try but that’s a topic for another day. Anyway, best part was that we were able to sit outside because it was GORGEOUS out! Kim and I decide to order a bunch of appetizers instead of entrees for dinner. On the list – Bruschetta, Baked Little Neck Clams Oreganata (Kim loves them – I hate seafood), and Asparagus wrapped in Mozzarella, Prosciutto, and Roasted Peppers. Can I just tell you that the Asparagus dish was probably one of the most amazing foods I have ever eaten. It was a party in my mouth!!! I couldn’t get enough of it! We both liked it so much that Kim is probably having it put on the menu at her family’s restaurant that they own. I wish I had a picture of this perfection. After dinner we made our way to my local hangout 16 Prospect. We had some non-alcoholic beverages and continued to talk and catch up. It was a nice, relaxing evening. Right around 10:30 we both pretty much crashed from exhaustion. It takes me all week to catch up from the lack of sleep I get on the weekends.

When I was all ready and tucked into bed I called Sarah and we had one of the best heart to hearts we’ve had in months. I was not anticipating the conversation but I’m glad it happened. Needless to say my bedtime got pushed back about an hour but it was well worth it. I also had a few other things happen yesterday that I’m looking forward to so it was a positive day. I needed it.

The next few days are pretty low key with the exception of Friday. Today I’m doing dinner and laundry at my moms. Tommy is coming to get his stuff at the apartment so I’m going to steer clear of Westfield for a little while. Not that him and I are on bad terms at all – it’s just too emotional. Tomorrow after work I’m going to see about a second job at the Meadowlands. My parents know a few people and I would love to get in there and work some concerts, shows, and games and make some extra $$$. Afterwards I have a late counseling session and then Liz is coming over to measure out the spare room I have. She’s going to be living with me for 2 months starting in September until her new apartment is ready in November. I’m actually looking forward to it. Liz is someone that balances me in a way that nobody else really does. It’ll be nice to have her around considering all I’m going through right now. Friday is the big day though. I get out of work at 1, hopefully I’ll hang with Estrella for a bit, and then it’s off to the city for Caroline’s bachelorette party!! Woohooo…. Me, Trish, Francie, Dawn, and Vanda are bringing Caroline to Lucky Cheng’s for some serious good times. Then we’re hoping to close out the night at an 80’s club. I can’t wait. When us girls are together it can get pretty wild and crazy. Saturday will be an R&R day after Friday and then Sunday – Sunday I can’t wait. I’m meeting Kim’s son Connor. I met him awhile back when he was about 1 ½ so he doesn’t remember me at all because that was the last time I saw him. I’m so excited. He’s 4 now and super adorable. That’s about how the rest of this week and weekend are rounding out.

Hope you enjoyed a happier update. It’s beautiful outside and will be all week. I wish I wasn’t stuck in this office!!!

Broken by Lifehouse

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 13:40:00 +0000

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hangin' on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

************************************************************

This song has become my anthem

Tired

nhayes05@gmail.com (Nikki) — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 15:46:00 +0000

Emotionally, physically, spiritually - exhausted

Lately no matter how much sleep I get it's never enough. I feel like I could sleep for days. Signs of depression... i know.