The last 24 hours have been absolutely emotionally draining. Sometimes the reality of who you are smacks you dead in the face. When you work so hard to change unhealthy habits and they rear their ugly head again - it's a tough thing to swallow. There have been certain situations in my life where friends have needed my unconditional support and all I could offer them was frustration, an "I know what's best" attitude, and judgement. Stare down into the face of that and you tell me how you would feel about yourself. But then, breakthrough. I haven't seen God's hand in a lot of things lately (mostly because of my own unwillingness to see even though i'm sure he's there) but he showed up last night. Instead of being able to talk my way out of this particular situation he gave me the opportunity to SHOW how I could be different. Instant gratification. Fresh off of beating myself up I was given a chance to rise to the challenge and I love challenges. I want to be the better person, the better friend when these particular situations arise. Those awful qualities actual come from a place of me trying to be protective and loving. I just need to channel that in a different way.
Busy weekend. Tomorrow I have a wedding shower and Sunday I have to meet with my father's lawyers regarding his lawsuit for my stepmother. Craziness. What I really need to do is sleep for a few days straight and not get out of bed.
1 comment:
i love this! :)
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