And the winner is....

We'll know tomorrow and spend the next four years worrying about the 2012 election. It never ends and yet as annoying as it is it's a constant reminder of the freedom of democracy. We should be ever greatful to the men and women who served and are serving this country to defend that (::Cough cough:: especially a certain Presidential Candidate who spent years of his life as P.O.W.). I'll spare the political jargon on this blog. I'm over the political debates. I'm voting for McCain. I have my reasons. I will say three things though 1. visit Allison's blog (a.k.a The Cat under my blogging junkies on my page) 2. Vote because you believe in what your candidate stands for not because you hate the other candidate. Take your vote seriously. Know your facts! 3. I fear for a unbalanced government. Checks & Balances are there for a reason and if tomorrow shifts that weight in all 3 branches in one direction it will be a scary 4 years. I will say that it will be sink or swim for the Democrats if they have that power. I have my thoughts on that but again will not be shared here. Get involved - use your freedom wisely. Everything effects YOU - the American Citizen - even if you turn off and tune out.

Now, onto other news...

I went for a 2nd opinion for my vocal cords today (technically it's the 3rd but my 1st doctor was a quack). I found my old doctor last Thursday by chance. He moved out of the practice that I used to go to and I spent a year trying to find him. After tears, prayers, and angry journal entry on Wednesday I truly believe God stepped in when I found him the following day. Dr. Citarelli is the kind of doctor that takes the time to sit with you and LISTEN to what the problem is. He thinks, he analyzes, and he doesn't just write a prescription and send you on your way. I trust him. So today we sat for 20 minutes discussing the last 5 months of my chronic throat/vocal cord problem. He took me off everything my ENT had me on (which i decided to go off myself this past weekend because I wasn't feeling any different on or off of the meds) and put me two new meds (Astelin & Singulair) plus home remedies (salt water gargle, honey, and a humidifier). He doesn't think there's anything serious causing my vocal cords to swell (the ENT said the same thing) and believes it's just allergies. So, 6 weeks of this and he is pretty sure it will be better. If not, he's going to send me to a different ENT. Let's hope and pray that I WILL be better in 6 weeks because 1. I don't want to go to ANOTHER doctor and 2. My insurance is good but not that good to keep funding all of this.

Other than that, my life (as usual), is one giant rollercoaster. I'm banking on a good 2009 - anything has to be better than this...

::EDIT::

I was just browsing some news sites and I just want to share one thought. I truly believe George W. Bush will go down as one of the greatest Presidents in history. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow but someday this country will come to see all the good he has done both here and abroad.

Love

"We cannot live unaffected by love. We are most alive when we find it, most devastated when we lose it, most empty when we give up on it, most inhumane when we betray it, and most passionate when we pursue it."

Frustrated

I'm completely frustrated. Right around the end of April I woke up one Saturday morning and had no voice (well, I had a voice but barely). I remember the day clearly because I had gone out dancing the night before. I figured it was just laryngitis so I waited it out a week or so because there was no pain associated with it. Sometimes my voice would get better, sometimes it would get worse. I finally decided to suck it up and make a doctors appointment. He gave me a Z-pak and said it was chronic laryngitis and to just rest my voice. It got better for a little while but nowhere near 100%. I figured "chronic laryngitis" - ok well I guess this is something i'll have to live with from this point forward i'll just have to learn how to manage it. So, I did all of the web research and since there were no serious causes to it I let it be. After ohhhh 5 months of not once having my voice at 100% I made an appointment for an ENT. When I went they put a nice little scope up my nose and down my throat (not a good feeling AT ALL). He said I had a raging throat infection and swollen adnoids which are at the top of your nose. He prescribed me strong antibiotics and a ton of allergy medicine. 2 weeks later my voice still wasn't better so I made a 2nd appointment. This time he went deeper into my throat. Probably the most uncomfortable feeling ever. I gagged almost the entire time. Good news was the infection was gone bad news was my vocal cords were still swollen. Next treatment - 6 day dose of oral steroids, acid reflux medicine, plus all of the allergy medicine I was already on. By the end of the 6 days my voice started to sound better and I really thought I was on the road to recovery until Monday night. I strained my voice again at the Coldplay concert and it's not getting any better. This is now 6 months where I haven't had my voice at 100%. When my voice started to heal last week someone actually said they didn't even recognize me because they've gotten used to my raspy voice. I want to be better, I want to have my voice back, I want this over with. It's literally brought me to tears a handful of times because it's just a chronic problem with no real solution in site. That's where i'm at today. I have a follow-up ENT appointment in 4 weeks. I really don't want to go on any more medicine. I want this to heal and I want my voice back to 100%.

Untitled

"Here’s the deal, when things happen in our lives that are jarring or disorienting, a shipwreck or a snakebite, it rattles the cage. You get a bad diagnosis or a pink slip or divorce papers and what happens is those things cause the compass needle to spin in our lives and we’re wondering which way is up? What is God doing? But I think it is in those situations that we need to realize that the Bible says it rains on the just and the unjust. Bad things do happen to good people, but here’s the good news, all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to His purpose. It is not that we are immune to all these things that happen, it is that God can use them for His purposes and that’s what we hang onto. In a sense, I have this mental picture of Paul hanging onto driftwood in the Mediterranean until they finally make it to shore. And by the way, sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is hang in there. If you are at that place, hang in there! I believe you are going to make it to shore, and here’s what I’ve discovered in my life, sometimes the worst thing that happens to us can turn out to be the best thing that happens to us because God has a way of using those things to lay a foundation in our lives and to prepare us for what He wants. And I might suggest that sometimes we get so focused on getting where God wants us to go that we totally forget that God is far more concerned with who we are becoming in the process. Listen, God is going to get you where God wants you to go, that’s His business! But He’s not going to get you there until you are ready to get there, and who are you becoming is far more important than where you are going. So it is in these situations that God is working His purposes in our lives." - Mark Batterson (The Cage of Failure)

Broken Road

Bless The Broken Road

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving armsThis much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

In the midst of all of what i'm going through how about a few things i'm thankful for...

1. God - He is so very near and present even when I feel soooo lost!
2. My family - as crazy as they are I love them
3. Friends - honestly could not make it through without them. Each one has played a special role in my life and I'm so very blessed and thankful.
4. Reconnecting with old friends - this year i've been given the blessing of reconnecting with two very important people in my life. It's absolutely incredible.
5. Glimpses of light when all seems dark - this one is very personal for me but in the darkest moments and the times when I feel i'm at the end of my rope Jesus is there shining his light and giving me hope when all seems hopeless.
6. Liz - she gets a special shoutout. God has used her in countless ways in my life, especially over the last year. She's my guardian angel.
7. My job - not only am I thankful for it for financial reasons but in many ways my girls here have become like family to me.
8. The outdoors - I love being outside. I love blue, sunny skies and clear, crisp nights. The beauty of nature draws me closer to the heart of God.
9. Softball - what an outlet that is for me. I miss it - I would play all year round if I could.
10. Love - there's no worse feeling and there is no better feeling

I could go on but i'll leave it off at 10. I know it's been awhile since my last update. I'm on an incredible journey that's very, very personal. I haven't felt like blogging in awhile because of it. Stick with me - as scattered as they are I will continue updating when I feel it's time to.

Lighter Look

I felt the blog needed a lighter look. I'll probably change it come Fall when the weather is cool and the leaves are changing. Fall is probably my favorite season. The colors, the cool but not cold air, pumpkins, apple cider, warm blankets, pies, etc. Love it!

However, we are entering holiday season which, I normally am super excited for, but this year not so much. It's the first year in 8 years without Tommy. Where do I even begin to deal with that. While the thought of not running around to a million different houses thrills me it also makes me very sad. I'm not dwelling on it this early on since it's still September but Halloween and Thanksgiving are right around the corner.

Moving on... I gots myself a part-time job yesterday. Security at the Meadowlands. I get to work the football games, concerts, and whatever else they have going on for a decent hourly wage. I definitely need the extra income. I do have to tell you though that in order to get this job I had to take a 434-question true/false psych test. One of those tests that are the same questions, asked over and over, in a million different ways. Such as, "You often lose your temper" followed a few questions later with, "You don't have much patience", and then a few more questions later, "You are easily angered". Oh, and it was a scantron. My hand was KILLING me and my eyes were crossed by the time I was done. I would love to see the test results. How would one even go about failing something like that and what does the result say, "crazy"?

The last few weeks have been up, down, and everywhere in between. I ventured to Coney Island before it closed, our softball team won the Sparta Championship (and I played a huge part), rocked a bachelorette party, and I've been here there and everywhere with my friends and my emotions. How about a picture montage for your visual amusement

Let's also mention the fact that I rode the Cyclone not once but TWICE! From the outside it looks like your average rollercoaster but when you are on it there are so many drops and turns mixed in that you end up screaming the entire time. The second time E & I rode it we were in the front car. That first drop was TERRIFYING! I have a picture of our faces on my keychain. I wish I could scan it and upload it.

I don't have many other pictures because I didn't have my camera at the other events but I will this weekend since I have my friends wedding on Friday. I've been looking forward to this one all summer.

Sidenote: Panera coffee is not even closely comparable to Starbucks - nih. The boys at my office got me an Iced Skim Mocha from Panera today. I'm extremely disappointed.

Alright, how's that for an update. Oh, I'll leave you with a fun picture of my transient roommate Liz (this is from Sarah's birthday way back in January). It's definitely been a blessing having her around...

Two Things

1. Sarah Palin's speech was amazing! She totally rocked it and tuned me back into this election.
2. The new NKOTB album is off the hook. Yes, I said 'off the hook'. It's got some serious beats and tight harmonies. If you liked their single "Summertime" get it - you won't be disappointed.

I just don't have the energy to blog a lot lately. Let's just say a lot has been going on (when is a lot never going on). Keep checking back though. I haven't left blogland for good!