My posts might still be sporadic but I'll try to update more often. I've spent most of the last month in a downward spiral. I find myself out of sorts with who I am and who I want to be. The inner conflict has become a daily battle. I'm exhausted most days because I'm fighting for and against myself. I know that may be confusing but I understand it. I want to do things MY way because i'm just so fed up with everything. As much as I know better, every part of me wants to run from God and run from this mess I'm in. I went on vacation last week and had the best time of my life. I was with friends on a tropical island far away from all of my problems. I know it wasn't reality but for a brief moment I was happy and at peace. I can't tell you how hard I cried when we had to leave. I knew I was coming home to the same stress and the same problems - they've been the same one's for over a year now. I just want it all to go away. I want a different life. I'll keep some elements of it but overall I need change. I think Kenny Chesney has the best line right now, "Wouldn't take much for me to up and run to another life somewhere in the sun."
Speaking of... let me post some pictures of my recent vacation to St. John/St. Thomas
I literally have over 300 pictures. If you want to see them just let me know and I'll send the snapfish link. How I wish I was back there....
2 comments:
that beach may just heal my soul right now. sigh. jealousy!
I want to see the pics, please send me the link for sure! and you know, I'm glad you had fun but I'm so sorry you feel that way about coming back. I am thinking of you and praying for you, I hope you can hang in there and get to a better place.
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