11 Days

That's right people - starting at 3pm today i'm off for the next 11 days. I can't express how thankful I am to work for such a great company. They closed the office from now until January 1st. And, my co-workers got me such a great gift - it's just nice to be appreciated. With everything that has gone on and me failing the Praxis again it's good to be reminded that I'm where God wants me right now and with my past experiences to count my blessings for such a wonderful job. Now onto more important topics...

Shoes

I went to Macy's last night and purchased the shoes for the dress I posted yesterday. I couldn't find the exact ones online but this one is extremely close. The only difference is the bling goes across both straps in the front but not on the side. Oh and mine are gold - not lavendar like these.












Nice right?! I loved them! I tried on a few before buying these and the other ones just weren't as comfortable (and i'm ALL about comfort).

5 more hours to go....

My Dress

Not only did I go to the gym but I went dress shopping last night. Here is the dress I purchased for the New Year's Eve Party i'm going to - make sure you change the color of the dress to red.

http://www.davidsbridal.com/social_dresses_detail.jsp?stid=2984&prodgroup=213

Sorry it's a link - I couldn't get the picture to copy or download. But, I love it!!! Of course it needs to be altered so tonight I need to go shoe shopping. I'm up for suggestions and reccomendations. The only must is that they need to be gold. I'm SOOOO EXCITED! I can't wait for this party!!!

Ok, gym last night... ugh - I kicked my own butt. I did 35 min of cardio and 30 crunches - I need to build up to the harder workouts. I'm thinking tonight I'll have to do weights because i'm not sure my legs can handle cardio right now (haha).

I hate the fact that I still have Christmas shopping to do. Not much but enough for it to be a pain. I'll probably finish it all up on Saturday. I'm just excited to finally give my gifts out. That's the best part for me. I was talking to my friend yesterday about not doing gifts at all next year and taking the money I would have spent and either donating it to charity or pulling a whole bunch of names off a Salvation Army tree and getting gifts for those people. I'm just so over the commercialism of this holiday.

I've officially checked out of work. Seriously - tomorrow is our last day here for almost 10 days. I have zero desire to do anything. Most of the companies we do business with are already on holiday so it's super quiet. So, PLEASE feel free to entertain me or IM or Email me today and tomorrow.

AIM - etrnalsonshine
Yahoo - etrnalsonshine
Gmail - nhayes05@gmail.com

NYC Scavenger Hunt

Let's talk about what I did on Monday. It was our office "holiday party". We were kept in the dark for a month about what we would be doing. All we were told was that we needed to keep an entire day clear and dress warm. Everyone showed up at the office at 9am and we exchanged our grab bag gifts. I got a very nice bottle of red wine. At 10:15 we all packed into cabs (15 of us) and made our way to the train station which, at that point, we knew we were doing something in the City. Of course it was the coldest day so far this winter and when we arrived at Penn Station someone in our group had the brilliant idea of waiting for a cab to take us to our next destination which was Grand Central Station. Why we didn't just hop on the subway is beyond me. So, we're waiting on line for a cab FREEZING our butts off and I ended up in a cab that decided to take the long way to Grand Central. Of course - the longer the better - it's all $$$ to them. We all arrive at Grand Central and we finally figure out that our bosses signed us up for a Midtown Scavenger Hunt by CityHunt.org. We break up into 3 teams of 5. My team consisted of my boss Jackie, Dawn, Patti, and Christine. It was a 2 hour scavenger hunt which included clues to answer and photo's to take. I wish I had the photo's so you could see all of the crazy things we had to do. Keep in mind - IT'S FREEZING OUTSIDE and we had to walk everywhere.

The first clue had us looking at this corner of Grand Central's ceiling - after renovation they kept a spot of the ceiling dirty so people could see the difference













The next clue had us build a sculpture from objects found around the station. Once that was completed we had to walk to here










That's Bryant Park. Along the way we had to stop and take a ton of random pictures... in... the FREEZING COLD... NYC weather.

Once that clue was answered the next clue led us here













Yep, we walked up to Times Square where we had to venture in and out of different stores to answer more clues and take more pictures.

2 hours later - completely numb - we made it to our final destination to tally the scores and eat some food















Good news is - our team won so the frostbite on my fingers wasn't received in vain. The prize was $50 for each person on the team. Not sure if that will cover the surgery needed to remove my fingers but it'll be enough for a few coffee's at Starbucks.

At the end of the day I was EXHAUSTED!!! The City kicked my butt - it kicked all of our butts. It was definitely fun though. Something different. They do all sorts of scavenger hunts for all types of occassions like Bachelorette Parties and even just Pub Crawls. I'd definitely like to do a Pub Crawl scavenger hunt. I'll have to look into that.

So that was my Monday. It's now Wednesday which means the week is almost over. Starting Friday at 3pm i'm off until January 2nd. I CAN'T WAIT!

Oh and I joined a gym last night. After shopping around I ended up at Bally's. They had a deal for a 1-year contract for $250. That's it - I couldn't believe it. Especially after being quoted $70 a month & $199 down at a local gym near Westfield. Very excited to work out again.

Alright, I need to get back to work.....

One Week till Christmas

Can you believe it?! Where in the world has December gone already! It feels like Thanksgiving was just the other day. Geeez! At least I was more productive with my shopping this time around. I didn't wait until Christmas Eve to do it all.

What a weekend and what a Monday yesterday. I'm feeling overwhelmed with life again. The last few weeks have been fine but i'm starting to slip back into that place I was at back in October. That wasn't a good place at all. Feelings of loneliness, frustration, pain - my home not being a place of comfort - all of it that felt like a ton of bricks weighing on my shoulders.

I'm thinking about taking a vacation by myself. Maybe visit a friend of mine who I haven't seen in over a year. Clear my head and attempt to resuscitate my heart and my life.

Depressing post - sorry. Tomorrow i'll have a fun post about my NYC scavenger hunt we did yesterday.

Two Points

Passing NJ State requirement for the Praxis Series Exam
157

Nikki's Score
155

This is the second time i've taken it - I'm too upset for words right now.

I'm going to weigh in on my post from yesterday. Let me say this - I really hate the whole excuse, "well, no church is perfect". This isn't to point out anyone in general because I know a lot of people who say that and I absolutely believe it. Church is made up of imperfect people so of course it has it's flaws. But, let's go beyond that statement. It's about bringing back the "relevance" of Jesus and his message to the church. Superman is not Jesus. William Wallace is not Jesus. People are meeting fictional characters instead of Christ. Sure, you can compare the characteristics but movies don't do scripture any justice. The reality is is that people are going to be offended by the message of Jesus. Grace should not trump truth just so we don't "offend" or so people will fill the seats. Ugh - I could go on and i'm getting frustrated so i'm done with this for now.

On another note - I'm working from home today. Tommy has the flu and the weather is awful. It rained ice from 10 until about 11 and now it's snowing. It's not a light snow either - it's coming down fast and hard. I've never experienced Westfield in the snow so I have no idea how the parking lots get plowed. I'm hoping to have to do very minimal shoveling.

Let's talk about Project Runway for a second. Jack is gone & Chris is back. What?!? How crazy was that development. I was very excited because I like Chris. And, I almost got my wish. Elisa was in the bottom two - maybe next week she'll finally get the boot. What in the world was Jeffrey thinking with that nun outfit?! Oh, and I'm going to admit this - I watched the new reality show Crowned last night with the mom & daughter beauty pageant competition. The best part about the entire show was the last 3 minutes. They told one team to pick up the scissors - which we all thought including the team meant they were gone. But then, they were told to take the scissors and cut this other teams sash. Such a great twist! The show was AMAZINGLY BAD but I will be watching next week. Someone help my tv addiction.

I could never work from home full-time. There's zip on tv during the day. Honestly, nothing. Wish I had some Christmas presents to wrap but I haven't started my shopping yet. I'm a last minute kind of person with that.

Enjoy the snow if you have it!!!!!!!!!!

Fluff

No, i'm not talking about marshmallow fluff although it's definitely one of my favorite sweets. I'm talking about religious fluff. I write this post because I was stirred by another friends blog. I was asked a question the other night, "why blog? what is the point of it?" and yesterday I got my answer. It's because not only is it nice to hear about what's going on in my friends lives but it's also because every so often I'm challenged by them, by their thoughts and convictions, by their words and actions.

Confession: I haven't been to church in almost a year. Sure, i've popcorned here and there (very, very few times) but as far as belonging to a church, to a community - it's been a long time. So much has gone on this past year that has left me jaded. The spectrum is wide and the hurt is deep. Part of that pain comes from the loss of my church, my home. I spent over 5 years investing my time and my heart there. For awhile I felt loved, my faith was challenged and it grew, and it stood strong in it's vision - the vision of Christ & His church.

As my faith grew stronger I noticed the church growing weaker. Oh sure, the congregation grew, but the foundation was crumbling. The vision changed a handful of times (and continues to change) and then last year we went from meeting in a small church to a large ballroom at a hotel. That's where the real disconnect happened. Part of it is because we both worked for them - being behind the scenes and knowing too much. But, beyond that, the church sold out for the sake of being "Relevant". The messages became watered down, truth didn't balance the grace that was presented, and each Sunday felt like I was watching a concert & a movie instead of being in church. The who's who of authors, actors, and rock stars instead of the written words of people like Paul & John and the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

I'm sick of churches being so "Relevant" they miss the mark entirely. Are they really leading the flock properly? I don't think so. I feel cheated. Not that it's the church's entire responsibility for someones faith but they play a major part. I got smacked around this year and I felt unprepared. My ground wasn't solid because my foundation has been built on fluff.

I feel like this person does, "I don't want to be entertained at church. I want to be challenged. Convicted. Reminded why I am a great sinner and why Christ is a great savior."

So I wonder - where are those churches?

Tag - you're it!

Real quick post...

The husband is sick. I haven't seen him this bad in over 2 years. (ok, good point Jay - didn't mean it to sound like that so I took it out)

So much i've been thinking about. I'm trying to figure out how to formulate it in my head because it's been on overdrive all day. That'll be a post tomorrow.

Tonight, a going away dinner for a friend of mine. I'm really sad about it. He's moving to Florida.

Thursday - getting my hair done. Color & highlights. Any suggestions??

My New Morning Routine

Maybe it's because I haven't taken the train the last month and a half. All I know is that my mornings are running later and later each day. I used to be good. I used to get up right at 7am (when I took the trian it was a little earlier). I'd get ready, leave my apartment around 7:45, and be at work before 8:30. That is no longer the case. Now my alarm gets set for 7:15. I shut it off and go back to sleep for another 15 minutes. When I finally drag myself out of bed I go into our little office/spare bedroom and flop on that bed for another 5 or 10 minutes. At the point where I know I can't lay there any longer I wander over to my computer and check email, the news, weather, and MySpace. Now i'm kicking myself because it's 7:50 and i'm not even remotely ready for work. I hurry around, dig for clothes (and get even more annoyed because I didn't leave time for ironing and there's no way I can leave the house without ironing my clothes that have been sitting in the clean pile on the floor), get my stuff together, search for my keys which are always missing, and by the time I leave the house it's 8:15/8:20. And of course it's perfect traffic time. Monday's are especially worse. It doesn't matter if I'm out all weekend till 4am or if I do nothing and fall asleep at 10/11pm. Honestly, it's the worst morning ever. It feels like i've been run over by a truck every Monday. It has to be psychological. Mind over matter right.

I had such a good weekend. Friday night the weather was pretty lousy so I rented "Waitress" and "The Nanny Diaries". I saved "The Nanny Diaries" for Sunday and watched "Waitress". It was interesting. Glad I didn't see it in the theater, a worthy rental, but not a movie I'd watch over and over. It actually reminded me of the movie "Simply Irresistable". Anyone see that - with Sarah Michelle Gellar and Sean Patrick Flanery. SMG is a chef who's emotions get transferred to her food and when guests eat her creations they feel her emotions. In the meantime she falls in love with SPF and it's this magical love story/culinary story. "Waitress" is definitely not magical but it's got that sort of vibe to it. I'm probably just rambling to some at this point because they have no idea what i'm talking about. Moving on....

Saturday I spent the day doing laundry at my mom's and helping them decorate the outside of their house for Christmas. Actually it went more like this - my mom took the ladder from the backyard and my brothers go, "Oh, can we climb it and hang the ornaments" to which my mother replied, "No, your sisters going to do it." I'm sorry - what was that?! Did I really just get volunteered to risk my life to hang ornaments on a tree outside?! Yes, I did. I have proof















I think I did a good job considering I was ready to start bequeathing my possessions to friends and family. I then met up with Chrissy and baked some cookies at her apartment. So yummy! I couldn't wait to get home though and take a shower. Too many needles from the tree in my hair. That night Sarah and I went to The Fountains of Wayne. It's this ghetto fabulous Christmas place in NJ. It's a store with a walk through display of characters and holiday scenes. It's so bad it's good. Afterwards we hit up an old Montclair hang out of mine - Eagans. Not only did we have a great time people watching but some drunk irishman bought us drinks. Tons of fun.

Yesterday was THE BEST day of the weekend. Why - because we did absolutely nothing. PJ's all day. The movie list consisted of "You've Got Mail", "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead", "The Nanny Diaries", and then a bunch of shows that I had on my dvr. We ventured out once to the Stop & Shop where some guy made a comment about our pajama's. See, it's not proper to go out in Westfield without looking like you walked off a high-end fashion runway. But, I don't really care. I'm not going to change just because of some snooty Westfielders. The reason for the S&S run was so I could get sprinkles to put on the sugar cookies I was planning on making. Cookies, movies, pj's - awesome day of doing nothing. I rocked those sugar cookies by the way. They were so yummy!

I really have so much work to do today. My boss is out this week and next week will probably fly by since it's right before Christmas. I love my job though. My bosses decided to close the office from Dec. 22nd to Jan. 1st. So that means I have almost 10 days off and still get paid for it and not even have to take vacation time. Ridiculous!

Aight... peace out cub scouts

Laundry

I hate doing laundry. It's my LEAST favorite chore. I'd much rather scrub the bathroom - i'm not kidding. So, what usually happens is I wait until the very last possible second. You know, when you're down to your last pair of clean underwear. Although, i'm so lazy every so often i'll just buy new underwear. But, i've let the laundry pile up - my closet is truly "FUBAR" with all of the dirty clothes in it. Honestly, I almost reached China digging through the pile to find some shoes this morning. I should really stay on top of it so I don't have a million loads to do at once but who wants to drag clothes up and down stairs and to and from a laundry mat. Certainly not me. Did I mention the fact that i'm lazy - yes, I did.

Round 2 of Nikki's cold season has arrived. I'm always sick this time of year. Once it starts I keep relapsing up until mid-April or May. I had a cold not but a couple of weeks ago and it's back. Last night it felt like Satan was roasting some evil, spikey people in my throat. Oh yea, that means it hurt like H-E-Double Hockey Sticks. I want to go home and curl up on my couch and watch movies all night.

Did you know there's a whole wikipedia definition for gobbledygook. I swear - go here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gobbledygook

This weekend consists of two major events - doing nothing and a possible Fountains of Wayne trip. No, no - not the band. If you are not from Jersey you just don't understand. It's a Christmas tradition around here. They turn the summer patio store into a Christmas wonderland with tons of lights and displays. Corny as it is I just can't go a holiday season without going there.

Now, onto my chicken soup....

Edible Gifts

This basket of chocolatey goodness arrived in our office yesterday













Let me tell you the contents of this heavenly gift - everything is chocolate covered:

Pretzels
Oreos
Peanut Butter Cookies
Graham Crackers
Marshmellows
Rice Crispy Treats
Vanilla Cream Cookies
and Nut Wafers

My mouth and stomach party for a week eating it all. Actually, a week may be an exaggeration. I don't think the basket ever lasts that long.

I love Wednesday night TV. America's Next Top Model and Project Runway both on the same night. I have no idea what i'm going to do after next weeks ANTM finale. Good thing PR just started. Speaking of - can someone please explain to me how we can get Elisa off the show?! The crazy woman is still on! Oh and milestone - Ricky didn't cry this week. I was waiting for it and it never happened. Although he should have shed a tear over his awful outfit or at least bitch slapped Victorya. That would have been popcorn worthy entertainment.

It's really dangerous having a Starbucks directly across the street from your apartment. I used to be so good - an occassional coffee, a treat few and far between. Now, almost every day it's a tall peppermint mocha and a pumpkin loaf. Ok, i don't do the pumpkin loaf every day but my caloric intake has definitely increased because of it. I can't help it - it's RIGHT THERE. I walk downstairs, go into the 'Bucks, and walk right back up stairs. At least i'm walking off a few calories in the process right?!

What else to talk about - oh yea - the BITTER, FREEZING, NEW YORK WEATHER. It has arrived. I swear there's nothing like it. You can't use the term "cold" for it because the wind chill will give you frostbite.

And another thing about this weather. I remembered why I like showering at night during the winter. My apartment is usually pretty warm but it's never as warm as what it feels like under my covers. So, you get up and you are immediately chilled by the temperature difference. So you think, crap, I should have showered last night. At this point - you need to shower. It's been too long and you KNOW you can't go another day. The thought of undressing makes you want to spork your eyes out but you do it. You turn the shower on, you get in, and for a few brief minutes you enjoy the nice HOT shower. But then, you remember you have to go to work so you can't stay in the shower forever. The thought of getting out of the shower is even worse than getting out from under the covers. Why - because the minute you do the water becomes instant ice on your skin. You get out and you might as well kill yourself at this point. It might feel better. By the time your body temperature is back to normal you have to make your way into the BITTER, FREEZING, NEW YORK WEATHER. All of this because you were just to lazy to shower at night. Allison - this needs to be on the list!

Ahhhh - back to work

Amazon.com

I love ordering online because it's like Christmas morning each time a package arrives. Amazon, ebay, and all the little stores in between have made my shopping this season quite entertaining and enjoyable. Especially since the majority of it has been gag gifts. Absolutely amazing what you can find online.

Lately, I feel like every time I take 2 steps forward I take 3 steps back (whoa, a little old school Paula Abdul on the brain right now - "Opposites Attract" anyone?!). Seriously though. This past weekend was difficult. Actually, the entirety of last week was difficult. I spent a majority of Wednesday and Thursday wallowing in whatever it was I was feeling. I knew Friday night was going to be a big night. Friends from different parts of my life all converging in one place. I used to be good at working a room - I rocked at it and I lived for it. Now, I want to do anything but. The "social butterfly" no longer wants to be social. So, I was dreading it. But, I knew Friday night was not about me so I turned it on as best I could. And I did it - I did it well because I can - and I started having fun. I looked around and took in the actual meaning of what was occuring. All of those people, there, because they love Tommy and they love us. And when Tommy was playing I found a piece of my heart again. Part of the reason why I fell in love with him was because of his passion for music and his amazing guitar skills. Yes, he's got serious skills - if you haven't seen him you're missing out. But then the show was over and things changed. The excitment and fun I was having turned into something sour. The reality of my life as it is right now came crashing full-force into me. I lost some major footing that night and Saturday I felt it. I felt it to the core. I skipped out on a Christmas party Saturday evening because if I was barely in shape to be social Friday night there was no way I could turn it on again Saturday. Especially with the way I was feeling. But, at one point I decided to get up off my couch Saturday night and get some coffee and do some food shopping. Well, in the process of trying to be productive I lost my wallet in the streets of Westfield. Something like a wallet is replaceable along with everything in it. While it's a pain in the rear, in the grand scheme of things it's laughable. But, to me, it was the culmination of a very long week and a very long 24 hours. That wallet represented my favorite saying, "when it rains, it pours". And when it pours, it's like a monsoon unleashing on my life. Somehow I managed to sleep on Saturday. Probably because I had a bed all to myself. Sunday I woke up to snow. Not enough to make it enjoyable - just enough to make it annoying. But, I put my gear on and traveled to counseling anyway. I needed it... we needed it. I let it all out - everything that was bottled up inside me since Friday night. It felt good. I felt heard. I thought it was going to be an awful session but it turns out it was the best one yet. A glimpse of hope. A glimpse of normalcy. That night Sarah and I toasted the week goodbye with some wine. I don't think wine tasted any better than that night. By Tuesday my wallet was found but I wasn't. Something I said Sunday night ate at me. Then, last night I received an email from a former friend. It was painful. True or not, I felt my insecurities hit me like a truck head on. And so, I let them play out in some not so encouraging words to a friend. The last 3 days I've become the very thing I worked a year and half on to not be. A setback. I know nothing permanent and I started the recovery process with a heartfelt apology last night. But overall - I feel like I can't catch a break. I feel beat up. I feel broken. But in my brokenness I'm struggling to reach for God. I'm struggling to see Him, to hear him, to feel him. Then again - that's my own doing.

I'm 26 - almost 27. Is life really supposed to be this difficult at this age?! What the hell is the point?? I see my life, I see my friends lives - especially those who are dealing with far more than a mind can comprehend - and I say again... what's the point?! And yes, I know God is good. I know that I need to see life with an eternal perspective. I know Jesus is the way - I know he's the LIGHT in the darkness that i'm surrounded by right now. But right now - I can't see it. I'm trying, i'm trying desperately. It's just so very hard.

On an easier note - I watched the Victoria Secret Fashion Show last night. I love Heidi Klum. She's absolutely gorgeous! The show was fun. Most of the outfits were ridiculous but that's the point usually. I still don't get the attraction to Seal though. He's busted!

I officially started my Christmas shopping today. Granted, it was a very small purchase but it felt good. Got me in the holiday spirit today! Not that it takes much to get me there since I love this time of year!

Anyone watch the tree lighting at Rockefeller Center last night?! A few thoughts....

1. Celine Dion lip synched and that was absolutely inexcusable to me since I had to listen to Ashley Tisdale's live voice. Terrible as it was at least she busted out a live song.
2. I would leave my husband for Josh Groban. He already knows this but he made me swoon last night. I think I caught myself drooling at one point. That voice is AMAZING!
3. Tony Bennett jacked up the lyrics to Santa Claus is Coming to Town. How do you screw up that song?!
4. Sick of this whole "go green" movement. Did you really conserve that much energy by chopping down the tree with a handsaw?! I bet money on the fact that all the performers took private jets to the show last night so maybe you should rethink the best way to "go green".
5. I love the tree and I love New York at Christmas. There's no better place to be.

I also watched two of the many favorite shows I have. America's Next Top Model which is so bad it's good and Project Runway. Let's talk about ANTM first - I was not sorry to see Heather go last night. That girl can take a rockin' picture. She's gorgeous but that's about it. She can't do anything else. And, I was tired of her using her illness as a crutch. Peace out Heather - good luck. Now, Project Runway... first of all can we all agree that Tiki Barber is a terrible runway judge. Not only that but he has no fashion sense. And, why oh why did crazy Elisa make it to another week?!?! She couldn't even watch her model change into her design. Ugh - get her off the show already!!!!! I have to say though, I love watching these shows with friends. It's so much fun to critique with other people!

I have zero motivation to work this week. Literally - NONE.

August Rush

Last night I saw "August Rush". A-MAZING! Absolutely incredible!! The character development was definitely lacking but it wasn't really needed in this film. You FELT the characters in the music. The music was powerful and all of your emotions were caught up in the notes. It's the heart and soul of the film and it will capture you, amaze you, and awe you. Go see it - immediately!

Another exciting thing happened last night... I found out that this is where Tommy and I will be spending New Years Eve:

That is the Penn Club of New York - http://www.pennclub.org/

We will be celebrating a 50th birthday party there, in the heart of Manhattan, while watching the ball drop. It's a black tie affair so I've got some serious dress shopping to do! I can't tell you how much fun this is going to be!!!!! I also realized something while watching "August Rush". I need to find myself again - I feel lost. There is so much that I love to do, love to be apart of, and want to strive for that I've let go and I need to get it back. I need to get myself back. Alright, i'm going to browse the web for dresses....

It's officially Christmas Season

Santa crossed the finish line at the Macy's Parade so it's officially Christmas Season. Hope everyone had a fantastic holiday. I had two Thanksgiving dinners this year and both were really good. Actually, Sarah's parents had AMAZING food so it won the overall applause of my stomach. I don't think i've ever tasted a better turkey!

I'm going to keep a list theme since Chrissy started it. Here are some things I love....

1. Christmas - the lights, smells, sounds, movies
2. Friends
3. Dancing to really bad remixes of 80's music
4. Staying up to all hours of the night knee deep in conversation
5. Reality TV (let's thank Kimora Lee Simmons for some seriously good entertainment)
6. Being in the same room with someone and knowing that your spirit is completely at rest with them.
7. Laughing
8. A good book
9. Guitar Hero III - do it, it's addicting
10. Brownies
11. Peppermint Mocha
12. Roasted Chestnuts
13. Movies - especially You've Got Mail, Emperors New Groove (but only with Chrissy), What Women Want, White Christmas, and many others
14. Memories - the warm fuzzy kinds (like road trips to VA)
15. New York City

I think 15 is a good number to stop with. This list could keep going but i'll spare you.

I love this time of year... I truly, truly do. It's my favorite time and it's just not long enough. It flies by so quickly.

Turkey Pre-game

I have to blog because if I don't this day is going to continue to drag. I have to make it another hour and a half and then i'm done with work until next Monday.

I can't tell you how excited I am to eat over the course of the next 24 hours. I've got a rockin' dinner tonight at Sarah's parents house followed by dinner at my mom's tomorrow night. Then it's dessert at my father-in-laws. Lots o' food, lots o' good food. Turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, veggies, pies, cranberry sauce - yum!!! I'm also looking forward to watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade tomorrow morning. It's one of those traditions that I actually look forward to every year. Brings back some really good, warm, fuzzy memories.

For those of you who get up to go shopping at 5am on Black Friday I have one word for you -NUTS!

So, we were watching The Biggest Loser last night because I just love that show and in between commercials they do these trivia questions... did you know one slice of Pecan Pie has 500 calories and the average holiday weight gain is 7lbs. That's ridiculous! Speaking of the show - Kae is my hero! She lost 39% of her body weight - now that's some seriousness.

Alright, i'm bored with this post. Have a Happy Thanksgiving all!

Snow

Yes, it's snowing out. For some reason Thanksgiving week in NYC always comes with terrible weather. I don't quite understand it.

The weekend was fun - didn't really do much. Oh, I did win an IPod shuffle from a crane game (i spent the entire summer sharpening my crane skills and it finally paid off) and bought a pea coat that Macy's left the security tag on. I have to go to another Macy's today to have it taken off.

I did take my Praxis: Social Studies Content exam. I almost cried taking it because it was so hard. My future plans rest on the outcome of this test. If I don't pass I'm not sure if i'll take it again.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. Wednesday night I'm doing Thanksgiving with Sarah's family and then Thursday I'll be up at 9am to watch the Macy's Parade in my pj's, follow it up with a Christmas movie, and then we'll be going to my mom's for dinner. I love Thanksgiving and then all the days leading up to Christmas. It's my FAVORITE time of year!

I'm being lazy today. Definitely don't feel like working

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

This post is in honor of Christina Marie Aceino who turned 28 today! I have had the pleasure of being her friend for the last 7 years and she has taught me so much. In the good times and the bad - she's been there. From our first date at a Journey concert with Nole the popcorn man to the many all-nighters with the airport trips that followed to the warm hugs when I lost loved ones and all the moments in between - my life wouldn't have been the same without her. So Chrissy... Happy Birthday! I love you!!!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

The last couple of days have been horrible and yet amazing all at the same time. Let's talk about some seasonal first's though...

I threw my first snowball of the season
I saw a house already decorated for Christmas with the lights turned on
Starbucks red cups are back and the store is all decked out for the holiday's

Thursday thru Saturday I spent most of it avoiding home. Thursday night I went to dinner with the girls from work. We went to this place called Church Street because Tricia's brother-in-law is the executive chef there. The main menu was pretty much seafood and things like duck confeit and fois gras. We didn't order from the main menu though - we had a tasting. I felt like I was a judge on Iron Chef. My dishes were different from the other girls because I don't eat seafood and I think I suffered because of it. Their dishes looked amazing but 5 out of the 6 dishes for me were sweet and not savory. Lots of fig and butternut squash in each. One more sweet dish and I was going to gag. And the dish that wasn't sweet was lamb and I hate lamb. Good thing the company was good. Afterwards I met up with Sarah and we went to the Colorado Cafe for some really bad karaoke. Love it!

Friday was an interesting evening. Tommy and I went out for a bit and it was definitely awkward but that's just where we are at right now. We did have a good time at the local puppy store though... look at how cute this little guy is. I wanted to take him home!!!



















Later on Sarah and I went out to our local hot spot and talked. I was pretty upset that night about some things so it was good to vent.

Saturday morning Sarah & I trekked to Sparta to get her hair done at my friends salon. Her hair is ROCKIN'. It looks amazing!!! She's got chocolate brown low lights and blonde highlights. HOT! The rest of the day was spent stopping by my grandmothers and running errands. She was such a good sport meeting my grandmother because Rosalba is a handful. I have to tell you about one of the errands though. We had to return something at NY & Co. so we're waiting on line and this weird woman is in front of us. She's yapping about Sarah's hair and then talks to me about my hair and then it's her turn at the counter. This is what we hear her say, "Hi, i'd like to do an exchange. Here are the pants I want (she places the pants on the counter)" So, the employee goes, "Ok, where are the pants you'd like to exchange?" The woman goes, "Oh, i'm wearing them. I thought i'd just change in the dressing room." The employee's face and our faces were priceless! We could not believe what we were witnessing. She was wearing the pants she wanted to exchange... who does that?!?!

Later that night we went to what i'm sure will become our new hangout. It was like being in a really bad version of the Wedding Singer. It's this bar/80's club and we were definitely the youngest one's there. But it was probably the best time EVER. Sight crimes everywhere!!! After the 80's club music and the live band they played modern hip-hop and R&B and we absolutely got our groove on. Serious good times.

Sunday for the most part was pretty draining. Tommy & I had our first counseling session and it went really well. It's the beginning of a long and emotional road to recovery. When I got home Sarah & I spent the entire night on the couch vegging to the TV. It was definitely theraputic and needed. Then, Tommy got home around 11:30 and Sarah headed out around 12. I had to move my car from the front of our apartment building to the back so I told her I would drive her to her car since she was parked in a lot that was a good distance away. I walked around to the drivers side of the car and found my front tire completely FLAT. Poor Tommy had to change my tire in the cold at midnight last night. What a way to round out a weekend.

My heart breaks for friends of mine who are going through some serious health problems right now. I love them dearly and I pray that God would pour out his love, strength, and healing.

Is it Friday yet?

Hope

Hope is some extraordinary spiritual grace that God gives us to control our fears, not to oust them. - Vincent McNabb

Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark. - George Iles

Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier. - Author Unknown

Martin Luther King, Jr. - We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.

Martin Luther King, jr.
If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.

Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense regardless of how it turns out. - Vaclav Havel

True hope dwells on the possible, even when life seems to be a plot written by someone who wants to see how much adversity we can overcome. True hope responds to the real world, to real life; it is an active effort - Walter Anderson

Now i'm going to copy from my friends post from yesterday that touched a very deep part of my heart. She was talking to a friend of her's about a seminar about "Fear". This is what was shared...

"Most of the time, God drags us to the 11th hour - to that state of complete hopelessness. helplessness. That place we hate being. Finally accepting of our utter futility in our humanity. He waits for that moment, when we come to the absolute end of ourselves...and then He performs the miracle.

But some of the time...He doesn't. We meet horror in real life -- when up to that point, it was only materialized as fear and anxiety in our hearts. the what-if comes true. We find ourselves in the 12th hour. Whatever hidden nightmare of an idea that was festering in your heart -- is suddenly reality. is God less loving? is God less sovereign? Satan so powerfully pushes the lies into our hearts....but she concluded that there should be, even in the 12th hour, a realization that though we experience a death -- in any form; the physical loss of life, loss of dreams, loss of security, loss of whatever -- we are never forsaken. He has promised a 13th hour. if we can pry our hands off of all this world and our fallen state offers, though the clock can strike 12 at any time, hour 13 is waiting. unshakable. a covenant to us.

Jesus himself was forsaken....so that i never would be.

Psalms 22:King David (prophetically) speaks on behalf of Israel:"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me,from the words of my groanings?O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer,and by night, but I find no rest...Yet, You are Holy,enthroned on the praises of Israel. In You our fathers trusted;they trusted, and You delivered them..." i don't know when deliverance comes.but is my desperation for temporary deliverance eclipsing the very notion that, in fact, i am already delivered?

though David was utterly undone by his circumstances, he recognized he would be delivered.in this life...or the next.
he feels forsaken. check.
he feels isolated. check.
he feels he can't cry anymore. check.
he's unable to rest. check.

Yet, You are Holy. as if to conclude it all...as if it were meant to be a lasting impression...as if to say, 'if you hear nothing else,' Jesus' final expression of love to the witnesses during his ascent:"...and behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age...."as i meditate on all i can, while grappling with the very idea of fallen humanity, broken bodies, broken hearts, broken dreams, broken lives --His TRUTH is absolute, capable of arresting and interrupting every scheme by the prince of darkness to torment my mind....always, even to the end..."

Thank you Allison

If we lose hope we lose everything...

There's something freeing about being able to say what you want to say when you want to say it. I've learned how to be more real with myself and with others but where as I kept myself too closed off I find myself becoming too open. That fine line is a truly fine line. I was probably too honest yesterday with Tommy. I said some real honest things that needed to be said - but it was something that I probably should have said in a safer, more neutral place like a counseling room. But, what's done is done. I've offically thrown my hat into the ring and made the announcement that this all sucks. That I can't continue to pretend that I don't feel the way I feel or that everything is ok. It's either a starting point, or a breaking point.

Short Hills Mall

Did I tell you that my boss lost her mind yesterday?! Well, she did. The story is long so i'll spare you all the details. Short of the long of it goes like this - lunch was left to just Jeanelle and I yesterday since the rest of the girls had a meeting. Normally, Jeanelle doesn't go out with us because she's Jackie's niece and Jackie rides her hard. Jackie doesn't really like all of us going out together anyway so to have Jeanelle go out with us would just send her through the roof. But, I thought that since it was just me, I would invite Jeanelle out since she never does come with us and that it wouldn't be a big deal. Well, she tagged along with me to Best Buy during lunch so I could get a new cell phone. It ended up taking longer than I expected and we showed up at the office about 20 minutes late. Jeanelle got ripped a new one and I felt bad because it was my fault she was late. So then I got called into the office and got ripped too. I tried to take the heat for Jeanelle but Jackie has it in for her niece so there was nothing I could do to save Jeanelle. Ultimately, it really wasn't a big deal. It's not like we purposefully took advantage. I should have known though because Jackie was in a bad mood from the minute she walked in. It was actually the first time I ever got lectured like that by her. Normally she's really cool. Oh well - what are ya gonna do.

Speaking of cell phones - I dumped Sprint yesterday and joined the Verizon network. I'm very pleased with my decision especially since I LOVE my new phone. I purchased the LG enV with the new plan.

Onto more shopping adventures....

Last night Sarah and I trekked to Short Hills Mall to get me a new business suit. First of all, I always get confused trying to get to it because there's about 4 exits that lead around the mall and only 1 or 2 roads off the exits that actually go to the mall. I jacked it up again last night so we traveresed the area around the mall for a good 20 minutes before actually parking. A little note about Short Hills Mall - it's not a mall i'm comfortable in. It's VERY upper class and normally really quiet. I'm used to the ghetto malls. Anyway, it's now the closest mall to me so I had no choice. So, we walked through Bloomy's and headed towards Macy's. I love Macy's because you can always get great deals. We locate the suit section of Macy's and I have to tell you guys, I completely LOVED having Sarah with me last night. Not that I normally don't love having her with me but she was like my own personal shopper (and she's REALLY good at it). She dug through the racks and picked out really great suits. So after trying on about 10 of them we found one that was perfect. Here comes the best part of the story and major props to Grace the lady in the women's suit department. The suit was orginally $320, marked down to $220, then marked down to $99. I picked up a purple tank for underneath which was originally $22, marked down to $14.50, marked down to $7. We get to the register, she rings me up, then gives me $25 off my entire purchase just because. My budget for a new suit was $150-$200 and last night I got a new suit for $82. How AWESOME is that! I've got to go online to Macy's and give Grace some really good feedback.

I've decided to try to make myself more presentable at work - which means actually doing my hair instead of throwing it back into a ponytail, makeup, some nice shoes, etc. Not that I normally don't try to look ok but I'm more into comfort than anything and sometimes it reflects sort of sloppy. But what a difference just a little sprucing up makes. I feel better about myself and I've gotten a ton of compliments this week. Not that i'm all about a pat on the back but it sure does make a woman feel good to hear those kind of things.

I'm spoiled by my local Starbucks. The Westfield Starbucks is so quick and efficient. Normally there's a line out the door and you wouldn't believe how fast you get through it. Not only that but the coffee doesn't suffer for the good service. Sometimes you have quick service and crappy coffee but not in this case. So I now compare all Starbucks to mine and I have to be honest - i'm really disappointed. The Starbucks in Short Hills last night was dead - we were 2 of only 3 people in the place ordering coffee. Not only did the entire process take 15 minutes but I went to order my first CAC of the season and they were all out of it. Disappointment all around!

Lifehouse has a new song out called "From Where you Are". It's pretty good - download it.

47 Shopping Days Left Till Christmas

This holiday season is QUICKLY approaching. I was in Home Depot yesterday and not only were the Christmas decorations displayed but there was music to go along with it. I love Christmas, LOVE Christmas - but I start my holiday cheer on Thanksgiving. Until then it's just too early.

I don't have much to say today. It's cold and rainy here in Jersey and I have no desire to work. I'm a little excited about tonight though because I have to shop for a business suit. I need one for a client visit on Thursday.

Alright, i'm done. Maybe i'll have more to write later... otherwise that's it.

Party like it's 1999

It was a rough weekend, fun, but rough. What's surprising is I barely had a chance to rest and yet my cold seems to be fading away. It's not 100% yet but what a difference when I woke up this morning. I actually did my hair and put on makeup - did I mention that it's Monday?! I have no idea what got in to me today.

Let's talk about the weekend for a second...

Friday I left work early because I was still dying - I can't even begin to describe the sinus pressure. I took it easy for most of the afternoon but then Sarah and I decided to go to Pazzo Pazzo for a drink around 10pm. So much fun! We had a few drinks, talked, laughed, made fun of the random array of people... it was good times. Saturday the most exciting part of the day was doing laundry. It was cold and cloudy and I still wasn't feeling well. But then Saturday night Sarah & I watched "Mean Girls" which I had never seen before and afterwards we went to our usual Saturday night hotspot - 16 Prospect (formerly the Tratorria in Westfield). We hung out, talked... the usual. My poor husband has to work at 4am on Sunday's so weekends are a bust for him. I woke up Sunday and spent almost the entirety of the day on the couch. Patti came over in the early afternoon and we had lunch and wandered around Westfield for awhile but that was about it. I spent the rest of the evening on the couch watching tv. I actually stayed in my pj's ALL day and it was great. I didn't care about the snobby Westfielders disapproving of my attire.

I had a realization though yesterday and it's one that I had a couple years ago. Some people drown their emotions in food, others shop, and I drink. I get that reasoning. Not that alcoholics are excused but I get that thought process and why they do what they do. So I'm swearing off drinking for awhile. I need to find a better outlet for my emotions and thoughts.

Speaking of some raging thoughts....

A little over a month ago I ended a friendship with someone who, at one point, was a very close friend. It was a rough "breakup". Well, I haven't spoken to her since our last exchange of emails... actually more like her last email which I never responded to. She was looking for a fight and I wouldn't give it to her. But, I wanted to get my IPod back that I had lent her and I sent her a text message over the weekend. It was really nice and really simple - just "hey, i know i haven't talked to you in awhile and normally I wouldn't ask you for this but I need to get my IPod back. Tommy can't find his and so I kind of need it. If you can leave it on your mailbox i'll be happy to come pick it up." That's it. That's all I said. I get a text this morning that says, "your behavior is very high school - your IPod is on the mailbox". Oh, right because that comment wasn't very high school. Ugh, so over that kind of drama.

My mom and my aunt have a phrase that goes like this, "God doesn't like ugly" in reference to people doing bad things. Well, my ex pyscho crazy lunatic boss is getting what's coming to her. She was in the news yesterday for her business doing some illegal stuff. I know I shouldn't enjoy her misery but I DO.

Back to work folks... have a good one

Sniffles

I've fallen behind on my new blog already. I was out sick yesterday and left my laptop at work. Tuesday night I had a wicked sore throat which is always a precursor to an impending cold for me. Sure enough Wednesday morning I woke up around 6am completely congested and my throat feeling like sandpaper. I made an attempt to go to work around 7:30 but it was futile and I called out. I have so much going on today and tomorrow here at the office that if I forced myself to work yesterday I would be completely useless today (even though I basically feel like that anyway). The worst part about a cold for me isn't so much not being able to breathe, which of course is bad, but it's the complete lack of energy. Or the spurts of feeling fine and then crashing a half-hour later. Sucks. Not to mention I have to go out tonight. I can't cancel. I mean, I can, but I had made these plans two weeks ago and someone is staying around who lives in Staten Island so I have to go. I'm contemplating calling out tomorrow but I have a huge meeting in the morning. We'll see.

Needless to say my Halloween was a bust. I might have to go play Halloween in DC next year... want to know why... click the link on the top of my page on the left hand side that says The Cat.

This cold tells me i'm completely run down. Is it any wonder though. I mean, it was bound to happen. I'm exhausted on all levels.

I'm boycotting "Dancing with the Stars". I can't believe they kicked off Sabrina. She should have won the entire thing. That's why I hate when viewers can vote because it's never about talent it's always a popularity contest.

I was in Aerosoles yesterday getting some fresh air and hanging with Sarah when these two little girls with their mom came in. One was dressed up like a princess and the other like a bumble bee. They couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. So well behaved and so adorable. I started crying. I'm almost glad I don't volunteer anymore at a crisis pregnancy center because I now can't fathom abortions on any level when there are those who are at their wits end trying desperately just to have a baby. Not that I ever agreed with abortion at all but I hate it even more now. Even the slighest thought of the possibility of not being able to have children is a pain that can't be described.

Enough on that... i'm too tired to even let myself go there right now.

I have to get back to work. It's almost Friday!!!!!!!!!

Another Week

I'm surprisingly awake today - it's Monday. That's not supposed to happen. I did have a pretty exhausting weekend and don't remember anything after I hit the pillow at 11:30 last night.

My R&R day on Thursday was a welcome considering my life nearly fell apart the next day. I won't go into detail but i'll just say this... marriage is work, life is work. I never thought I'd think about the things I once considered an absolute no in my mind. I never thought I would have had a reason to. I also never thought I'd have to wonder whether I was going to be able to have children. But always, when it rains it pours in my life. I'm hurting, I feel lost, and I don't know how to get back to the good times. I don't know if I want to. The road ahead is going to be very long and very hard.

Congrats to the BoSox winning the World Series last night - very excited about that.

I've got some stomach issues going on today. Not sure what's up. Could be all the stress. Who knows.

My company has taken a new approach to us employee's - lots of meetings and training sessions throughout the week now. I've got one every day except tomorrow. Hate it.

Back to work

This is what I need to believe right now...

Whatever It Takes by Lifehouse

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

But remember the time
I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

Bad PBS Special

A few short things then I must go back to work...

We had what's called a "Lunch and Learn" meeting today. My boss had us take a test a few weeks ago called "Discover Your Strengths" which is based on a book of the same name. Well, she LOVES audio self-help stuff so for the next few Wednesday's we'll be listening to the follow up to "Discover Your Strengths". It's about applying your strengths in the workplace. Apparently it's this whole new 'Strengths Movement' corporations are initiating. The best coorelation I can use is that it's pretty much the power of positive reinforcement to motivate and make better employees. The voice on the audio CD though is this British guy that speaks in a very monotone voice. I feel like i'm listening to a PBS special gone horribly wrong.

In other news it's disgusting out today. The rain we're getting here could be better used out in California right now. Tomorrow is my R&R day. Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been looking forward to it for two weeks now. I've got a full day of pampering planned.

I've got so much going on in my head right now but i'll just say this... I realized this morning that I lost sight of Jesus. Without Him - I'm nothing.

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Choo Choo Trains

As if yesterday morning wasn't bad enough...

I must not be getting a deep enough sleep at night. Even though I seem to sleep for a good amount of hours i'm still pretty tired when I wake up. Which, of course, means I stay in bed for far longer than I should. But, I managed to actually get up and get ready on time to catch the train this morning.

Let's talk about my morning train ride for a second. I catch the 7:42 train from Westfield to Newark. I'm not a morning reader, I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to sit and listen to my IPod. Unfortunately, my headset broke this morning as I went to pull it out of my bag. So for 20 minutes I sat and listened to the guy next to me cough without covering his mouth (nasssssttttt). I get to Newark at 8:04. Now, there's two trains in the morning that go to New York. One that goes straight there and one that stops at Secaucus and then goes to NY. I have to catch the Secaucus one. This is what it looks like on the screen:

NY-SEC

There's normally an 8:05 that stops in Secaucus but I usually just miss that one so I catch the 8:13. Most of the NY & NY-SEC trains arrive and depart on track 1. Sometimes the NY-SEC trains arrive on track 2 if it's a backed up morning. Well, I get there at 8:07 and the screens aren't showing any track numbers. So I wait and wait and then the 8:15 train to NY says track 1 so I conclude that "well, that means the 8:13 NY-SEC train will be on track 2 because there's not enough time in between". Sure enough I get up to track 2 around 8:09 and the screen finally shows the 8:13 NY-SEC train arriving on track 2. I give myself a pat on the back for thinking smart and I wait. 8:14 the train pulls up, I get on, settle into a seat where I can actually put my feet up, and I relax for the 10 min train ride. Right before the train pulls out of the station the ticket lady comes by to check my monthly pass and says, "you're going to Secaucus? This train doesn't stop in Secaucus, it's going straight to NY." Well, I leap out of my seat and she attempts to open the door before the train pulls out but no... just miss it. I'm now confused since I read the screens properly, the train arrived the time it was supposed to, and it said NY-SEC. SEC = my stop! It's now 8:17, I sit back in my seat, and take the train into NY - pissed off. We arrive in NY Penn, I bolt through the station to get back to the NJTransit trains and nearly miss the 8:38 train back to Secaucus. Finally arrive at my final destination at 8:47 and wait for the 9am shuttle to take me to my building. But, my wonderful friends from work came to pick me up instead since I was running late and had a hellish commute. I know I read everything right this morning so Newark's train information must have been all jacked up. And, I did this entire commute without my IPod. I wanted to slit my wrists.

Anyone watch "Dancing with the Stars" last night?! I couldn't believe my eyes when Marie Osmond fainted after her dance. It was pretty crazy! I must have rewound it and watched it like 5 times on DVR. But, I'm rooting for the Cheetah Girl - Sabrina. She's AMAZING! Probably the best dancer ever to grace the "Dancing with the Stars" stage.

Every Monday night we have a meeting at work from 5-6pm. You know you always have those 1 or 2 people in the meeting that require way more attention than necessary and therefore make the meeting highly unproductive. Well, we have those 1 or 2. And every meeting we take way too much time explaining things, getting off topic, or waiting for them to finish there pointless tale that they think has some relation to whats going on but really doesn't. I hate it. I zone out. I don't mind meetings as long as they are productive and done in a timely manner. But when you have those people that disrupt the flow and do it constantly it becomes highly annoying and frustrating. Last night was no exception. Good thing for text messaging. Yes, I did it during the meeting and I didn't care.

Tomorrow I have a gyno appointment. It's been 3 1/2 months since I last got my period. No, i'm not pregnant. I've been putting this appointment off because we don't have insurance nor the money to spend but I have to go. So, hopefully after $100 doctor visit they'll figure out what the heck is wrong with me. Good thing my R&R day is Thursday.

"And we break and we burn
and we turn it inside out
to take it back to the start
and through the rise and falling apart
we discover who we are"

--Lifehouse "Who We Are"

Back to Work

Goodmorning everyone - it's Monday. It doesn't matter how much sleep I get on a Sunday night i'm still dragging on Monday's. Let's talk about how the day started... I overslept until 8am. I'm normally up around 6:45/7am. So, super rush to get ready. I decided to take my car instead of the train because I thought I was going to Sparta tonight to meet up with some friends for a drink. But, my inability to utilize a calendar made me forget an all important date with Chrissy tonight. So, canceled plans with the girls and got to work thinking my boss was off today. WRONG. She came in but is leaving early. Her leaving early is an entire work day. Good times. I need a vacation.

How was everyone's weekend? I had a pretty good one. My plans for Friday got completely messed up so that was the only crap night. Not to mention the fact that I was in a bad mood. Saturday, Tommy and I went to Chester. It's this cute little town out in the western part of NJ. It has a bunch of country stores and cafe's but the best store was the GIANT candy shoppe. I mean, any and every kind of candy you can think of. It was actually a little overwhelming because there was so much to take in. We walked out with licorice pipes (for Tommy), candy necklaces, and some lollipops. Afterwards we went to my father-in-laws to pick up some stuff we had sitting in his basement. Definitely need to have a garage sale soon. We have way too much junk. Saturday night me, Tommy, and Sarah went bowling. I got to show off my bowling skillz to an unsuspecting Sarah. It was all business the first game but the second game we completely goofed off. It was a ton of fun. When bowling was over Tommy went to bed and Sarah and I went to 16 Prospect (formerly known as the Trattoria in Westfield). Hung there for awhile then came back to the apartment and stayed up talking till 5am. Yes, 5am. Love those kind of talks! Sunday I slept until 10. I was surprisingly awake even though I didn't get much sleep. Spent the morning and mid afternoon with my mom and ended up having some major IBS issues so I came home and napped a bit. Then spent the remainder of the night watching TV with Sarah. We're junkies. It's bad. Hahaha.

This week is all about surviving until Wednesday night. I've got an R&R day planned on Thursday. A much needed R&R day.

"Looks like somebody's got a case of the Monday's"

Friday... finally!

Those two symbols represent a great night of sports yesterday! Scarlet Knights beat USF 30 - 27 and the BoSox kept themselves alive by beating the Indians 7-1 tying the series 2-2 and bringing the game back to Fenway on Saturday. I know Jay is a happy man because of it! For those of you less interested in sports... I stayed up way too late last night. Sarah & I went to the Colorado Cafe for some really bad karaoke. Well, I mean it was so much fun but karaoke is always terrible - lol. We usually go just to people watch and sing on the sidelines. Anyway, we left at a relatively decent time but ended up talking on her porch till 2am. So, i'm tired today.

Dare I say I have an uneventful weekend planned. Normally my weekend is jammed with stuff but not this time. Maybe Tommy & I will go pick some pumpkins. Of course, it's kind of hard to get in a pumpkin picking mood when it's going to be 80 degrees out. It is Fall right - I mean last time I checked it was almost the end of October. We're supposed to have this...

And instead it's more like this...

This day is dragging but doesn't that beach scene look simply breathtaking. I'm going to imagine myself there the rest of the afternoon.

When life throws you lemons why do we always have to make lemonade?

I was humbled by my friends blog this morning. Everyone's struggles are different but there are some situations that make you take a step back and think, "I should be thankful for what I have because it could always be worse."

I feel like i've been caught up in the same cycle for the past 6 years. The same problems that plauged us then still plauge us now. Why is that? Oh, we talk about change but do we ever really do it?! What does it take - hitting rock bottom - what if you never do and you just flounder inbetween? I'm not ok with that and i'm not ok with floundering because floundering feels like drowning.

But i'm in a good mood so I refuse to get down.

I also realized last night that i'm not good at being alone. Some people love that time to themselves, even need it to recharge. That's just not me. Tommy was working, Sarah was doing a paper, everyone else was busy, and so I was left to channel surf on my couch. I hated it. I was so bored and almost fell asleep at 9pm. I live off of people - that's where I get my energy. Even if it's someone just keeping me company at home - at least it's human interaction. Thank God for Mr. Marshall and his food shopping excursion to keep me entertained. Oh, and then Liz's phone call at 9:30pm telling me to get dressed b/c she was coming to Westfield so we could go get a drink. Lifesavers - both of them!

Let's talk about Westfield for a second...

I love living in Westfield because I can walk to everything. The downside is it's made me LAZY! I don't ever want to go anywhere that requires me to drive. It's literally like living in the Village of NY but the suburbs of NJ. And, the best part (well, there are many best parts) but I have a Trader Joe's that I can walk to. Yesterday I found the most amazing trail mix there. They have about a hundred different kinds but this one is perfect for me. Now, I LOVE Costco's trailmix. They have a ton of nuts, raisins, and m&m's and it's salty. Technically not so good for you. This trail mix has cashews, almonds, raisins, semi-sweet chocolate pieces, and no salt. So, it's not the best for you but it's a lot healthier than the Costco mix. Yum!

My eyes are watery today. Yesterday there was a cold chill in the air and today it's hot and humid. Good ole Jersey weather. Probably why my eyes are all jacked. Grey's is on tonight. Anyone watch that show. I'm a little disappointed with it so far this season. Izzy needs to get a life, George needs to grow up, and I hope Callie kicks the crap out of them both. The storylines so far this season are terrible. Let's pray it gets better as the season goes on.

Damp Chill

There's a damp chill in the air today. It's the ever present sign that winter is right around the corner. What happened to this summer?! What happened to this year?! I feel like it was only yesterday that I was making my New Year's Resolutions. Which, by the way, I haven't done so well with. I actually never make resolutions but this year I was convinced by a former friend to do just that. Well, the friendship and the resolutions are no longer relevant so there ya go. It was doomed from the start.

Funny thing happened yesterday...

Tommy's family is obsessed with Disney. Most of you know this. To the point where my sister-in-law and mother-in-law have Mickey's face tatooed on their ankles. Well, in October we went for a week with them and I loved it. Who doesn't love Disney - i'm just not naming my first born after a Disney character. Anyway, I don't do chachkies so I wanted to buy something that would remind me of our trip and yet not take over our apartment. I settled with a mug and a key chain. The key chain has become a symbol for the running joke we all have about how crazy Tommy's family is with Disney. About a week and a half ago I had to part with the keychain because it broke. My friend Sarah and I had a brief moment of silence before it was put in the trash. Well, last night Sarah hands me a little gift and I nearly keeled over from laughter. She brought me a Tinker Bell key chain with little blue dangley things on them to replace the keychain I brought at Disney. It's HILARIOUS! I HATE Tinkerbell but it's hanging on my key ring proudly! Hahaha!

That might not be as funny to some of you but if you know my husband's family you'll understand.

Ok, I found out today that yesterday was the 20th anniversary of when Baby Jessica fell in that well in Texas. Do you guys remember that?! She's 21 now and married with a kid. When she turns 25 she'll get close to a million dollars that has been sitting in a trust fund from all the donations given to her when it happened. Craziness!

Really upset Phil got voted off The Biggest Loser last night.
Still upset Hung won Top Chef but I really need to get over that... hahaha

A New Day

A new day, a new blog site. I'm giving this a go since I really liked the layout and it's not xanga. I'm going to leave you with a small excerpt from the book i'm currently reading.

"How can it be that in the postinformation age, in the era of the technological revolution, we still need something as primative as love? No matter how many times we fail at love or how many times love fails us, we plow ahead. Even the scars of love rarely stop us from risking at love. Strange as it seems, in the midst of our most painful memories, we find our most treasured ones."